Want to be Grittier? Quit

In 2018, I underwent a rigorous interview process to be mentored by business coaches. The vision of creating a new life for myself kept me persevering through a number of interviews meant to ensure they were pouring their knowledge and resources into the right mentee. I decided no matter what it took, I would show them I was the right person to dedicate their time to.

Almost two months later, I received the call that I’d been selected. They gave me books, audio recordings, and daily encouragement. I was assured again and again that the system was guaranteed to change my life. But they also made clear that this guarantee was only possible if, and only if, I woke up every single morning ready to put in the work. The system couldn’t work without being worked. My whole life, my mantra was “if they can do it, I can do it too” and for several months I lived that in full swing. Was I doing everything perfectly? No, but I showed up.

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Then things started going downhill.

Around the fifth month, I started physically showing up but mentally checking out. I loved the principals I was being taught, but I felt the energy being drained from my body. I went from falling asleep eager to wake up the next morning to absolutely dreading 6:30am.

I reached the point where I was going through the everyday motions of what was expected of me, but my heart was no longer in it. The thing about changing your life is that it takes more than just following a set of procedures. If following a process was all it took, we’d see a lot more millionaires out there. You have to wake up daily ready to conquer the day. Unfortunately for me, all I wanted to conquer was an extra hour of sleep.

I woke up one morning, tired of going through motions and tired of being worried about the fact that I was wasting my time and theirs. That morning, I decided to quit. That afternoon, the deed was done.

I felt so many mixed emotions.

I let out a huge sigh of relief on my way back home. It felt great to no longer face a decision to stay or go and no longer have a difficult conversation looming ahead. I arrived home, walked into my room and plopped into bed to happily watch my favorite tv shows. I’d had enough stress for one day.

The next morning, on a Sunday, I woke up still feeling some sense of relief but that relief was now overshadowed by the worry that my life was going no where. I was back to step 1: working a corporate job I didn't want and being unsure of how to get out. It led me to question my own character. My mentors gave me the blueprint and told me exactly what needed to be done each day to achieve my dream life. It was so simple on paper, so why couldn’t I do it?

What they had asked of me was to have grit. According to Angela Duckworth, the co-founder of Character Lab at the University of Pennsylvania, where Grit is heavily researched, grit is the part of a person’s character that allows them to persevere and passionately remain in pursuit of their long-term goals. I thought that meant find something guaranteed to work, and whether you like it or not, stick to it. And if you can’t stick to it, you fail.

Angela Duckworth has a different idea of how grit works.

Her suggestion: try several options until you find the one you love, then be extremely gritty at the thing you enjoy. Her point is, if you expect to be gritty at something you dislike, you are probably setting yourself up for failure. You might be thinking to yourself “Well, if I stick around isn’t thatgrit?” No, that is an act of deception. Simply sticking around and showing your face is not a show of grit. Grit is tied to the determination to reach a milestone.

Instead, try out different choices while keeping in the back of your mind that you will eventually find something that you are determined to grow and succeed at. It probably won’t be your first attempt or your second, but the goal is to stick to something.

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I started looking at different options and opportunities, this time with a little more scrutiny. Today I have my own mindset coaching business. It is hard, sometimes disheartening, but every single day I wake up motivated to do something to make it succeed.

It’s one thing to love doing something and overcome occasional challenges. It’s another thing to hate what you’re doing whether it’s going well or not. Don’t make yourself miserable. It’s no way to live. If you are miserable, quit. Find something new, something you love, and get gritty.

Chances are if you are having trouble feeling the motivation to keep going, it isn’t a sign that you lack determination, drive, and perseverance. It can be as simple as you’re just not enjoying the way you’re spending your time. Any saying that tells you that you have to sacrifice joy to succeed is bogus. You can, and should, fall in love with the process needed to achieve your goals.

Just close your eyes for a second while imagining yourself waking up energized and excited to do something you love. If every morning you wake up hating the instrument you’re trying to learn, the exercise program you’re on, the miracle diet, the certificate program you enrolled in, your side hustle, I fully encourage you to quit without remorse. Quit because you deserve to give yourself the chance to be a happy, thriving version of yourself. Quit knowing that someday you will find what is perfectly right for you, and you will wake up every day happy and ready to do it. That something is out there waiting to be discovered by you.